I am at rock bottom!?

I asked lots of questions over the past few weeks on panic attacks and anxiety in pregnancy. My husband told me to come off this site as I was listening to people who are not doctors/councillors and was gettin brainwashed so I did this. However, I am so desperate now for help. I went to a cognitive behaviour therapist today and he told me that I had an anxiety disorder prob for a long time but it got worse in pregnancy. I am extremely depressed and panicked now coz I thought these panic attacks were just coz of pregnanncy and would go away after. Now i feel like i will have them forever. I can't eat properly during the day or sleep at all night I have now refused to go to sleep to protect mydel from waking up in a panic. I never wanted to be pregnant and feel like such an ungratful cow coz loads of people want kids. I see no way out coz my daytime is spent thinking about the horrible night - dark, pacing floor, worried, no sleep and the night is spent worrying that this is my life forever. I love my husband to bits but he can't help me anymore and feels crap I tried lying on bed earlier reading a book and had to get up quick due to panic. I absolutely refuse to take meds coz will not hurt baby anymore and I do not want to be brainwashed in to thinking all is great while on meds and then become immune to them and need stronger dose and be "numb" with no feeling. I am waiting for councillor to ring me back later for a chat but am v upset